Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent years working in palliative care with patients who had very little time left to live. People who only had three to 12 weeks left. And with little else to do with their time remaining but to reflect.
When forced to confront their own mortality, each patient would experience a wide range of emotions from denial, fear, anger, remorse, and even more denial. Through Ware’s conversations with them in their final weeks on Earth, she gained some valuable insight as to what they thought was most important.
She would question them about any regrets they had or if they would do anything differently. In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, she shared the common regrets that surfaced over and over again:
1.I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.
Women also spoke of this regret. However as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.
There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness was a choice.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.”
Now, I have to admit, I’m a bit flabbergasted that in this moment of supreme clarity about what’s important in life, not a solitary person mentioned Bitcoin reaching $90,000 and climbing its way to $100,000.
Nothing about Nvidia being the stock of the century?
No regrets about wishing they would’ve bought Apple stock in 2007?
Did they have any thoughts about the inflation we’ve seen over the past few years and who’s to blame?
What do they think about the price of groceries? What about how much it costs to buy a house?
They had to have said something about the national debt. I mean, do they know the U.S. government owes $34 trillion!?
Any advice on house hacking? Picking the right stocks? Retiring early? Best investments?
How about the recent presidential election? No comments about Republicans or Democrats?
What about Donald Trump’s new Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) led by Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy?
Surely, that had to have come up.
Alas, no.
Not a single mention of money.
The only mention of work is a regret about having done too much of it.
The only mention of any sort of economic or political concern is a regret of worrying too much and not letting themselves be happier.
So, as we gather together with family and friends for Thanksgiving this week, let’s try to remember that almost all of these seemingly massive current events that we get so up in arms over, will likely have little to no impact on our lives in the long run.
After analyzing lifetimes of data, the researchers who conducted the largest study on human happiness found that:
“Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.”
Relationship quality is even a better predictor of overall health than many traditional health markers:
“When we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.”
So maybe this Thanksgiving, rather than argue about what may or may not happen in the economy or the markets, we might benefit from spending a little more time and energy on building quality relationships with the people we care about.
Or maybe not; Bitcoin to the moon!
Thanks for reading!
Jake Elm, CFP® is a financial advisor at Dentist Advisors. Jake a graduate of Utah Valley University’s nationally ranked Personal Financial Planning program. As a financial advisor at Dentist Advisors, he provides dentists with fiduciary guidance related to investments, debt, savings, taxes, and insurance. Learn more about Jake.</em